Saturday, June 20, 2009

Yesterday I saw the chiropractor again. It went well. He explained my X-rays to me and I got a copy of them. Then he adjusted parts of my spine. It didn't hurt and it actually made me feel a bit better. I feel like a lot of pressure is off of my back now! Afterwards, they used a TENS unit on me, which helped quite a bit! I also laid on a roller table that massaged my back. It felt so good. After the session I was slightly sore but not that badly. Today I am feeling okay. My knee is feeling unstable so I've had it wrapped for most of the day, which helps a tiny bit.

Things have been stressful. I've been trying to make sure I relax... I haven't been sleeping well because of the stress. I don't know how to fix all of this. I feel that no matter what I do it won't help. I just wish that I had a job and that I was capable of working... That would fix quite a bit of it. It's so hard trying to make ends meet without asking my parents for money. I feel so guilty about it all. It's not my fault that this happened, but I still feel like it is. I can't really go out because I don't want to ask for money, I don't really buy anything, and if I do go out, Kolton pays. I feel so bad. Blah.

On a lighter note, the vertigo is gone. I haven't had it in a few days now. I'm still being cautious, but I'm quite pleased. Only 2 1/2 weeks left until surgery...

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Yesterday I had my first appointment at the Fibromyalgia Centers of America. I honestly still don't know my feelings on it yet. The doctor examined me, took a spinal x-ray, and did some sort of temperature thing to see if any of my nerves were putting off heat, which could signify a pinched nerve. My back was lit up like a Christmas tree. The doctor said he would go over the x-rays and see what he could do to help treat my fibro, or if he could. I felt like the appointment was a bit too slick. The doctor seemed to care and know a lot about fibro, but I don't know. I'm going back on Friday. I honestly just don't know. I'm worried that he's one of the jerks that are trying to make a quick buck off of someone's fear and despair... Kolton is going with me again on Friday to help me.

This morning I woke up in a lot of pain. My back and legs just ache beyond belief. I'm so tired of this. I feel drained and exhausted... It is as though someone took a hammer and beat me while I was asleep. I don't want to take any medicine for it though. I'm just so tired of not being alert and aware of what is going on. I'm having a rough day. Ow... Now breathing hurts! Stupid back. Stupid fibro.

I'm doing my best to stay positive... It's just one of those really hard days. It's been raining all week and it's supposed to rain again tomorrow. Yuck.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

My vertigo has not bothered me at all yet today! I am taking the Meclazine still to be on the safe side since I have to drive later, but yay! Today is my appointment at the Fibromyalgia Centers of America. Kolton is going to come with me! I am feeling okay today... It is raining right now and it's supposed to rain still tomorrow, so I'm slightly achy, but it's not that bad at all. Yay! I didn't realize how draining the vertigo has been until now. I have so much more energy today!

If you have been following me on Twitter, you have probably noticed that I am in support of the Iranians and that I have been helping spread the news. I am not from Iran, I am just a student living in America who wants to support their fight for justice. As someone on Twitter put it last night (sorry, I can't remember who!), this isn't about the candidates any more - it's about justice and freedom. Today I am wearing green in support and I just changed my blog to green. I wanted to go to the rally in Chicago last night (I live about 25 miles from downtown Chicago), but I wasn't feeling well enough. If another one happens, I want to go and show my support. Some people are confused as to why I am doing this... I can't just sit here and do nothing when people are dying and being beaten for saying that the election was fixed. I don't support any of the candidates in Iran - I support peace.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Last night I began taking Meclazine for the vertigo. It didn't help at all. I wasn't able to sleep because I became wide awake and then the vertigo got bad again. However, I woke up this morning, took the Meclazine again, and I have been almost vertigo-free today! I feel very drained and weak though... It was raining for most of the day, so I'm achy.

I'm really tired so I'm going to go to sleep. I see the chiropractor for the first time tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Monday, June 15, 2009

Dear Jerks,

Just because I am young does not mean I am healthy. I park in a handicap spot only when I need to, not because I want to. I am not taking advantage of the government. If you feel that you deserve to park in a handicap spot, why don't you either go sit down with your doctor and discuss it with them or why don't you try to live with something like this? Sure, I am 20. I'm a college student. I'm young. But that does not mean that you can berate me and scream at me for a long time in a parking lot while I'm struggling to get out of my car. Yelling at a sick girl who obviously looks ill is not going to accomplish anything!

If you see someone using walking assistance, whether it be crutches, a cane, a walker, or a wheelchair - get out of their way! There's a reason they're using it! If you and your friend thought it'd be fun to try to get me to whack you with my cane by walking in front of me and cutting me off, you were wrong. The only thing it succeeded in doing was throwing me off balance and almost fainting. Calling me a "crippled bitch" and laughing while I walked away in tears, struggling to regain balance only means that you are both rude and mean people.

I really wish that people who don't understand could go through just thirty minutes of this. I know that they most likely don't realize what they're doing, but come on! Common sense!

Learn some manners and stop it.

Sincerely,
Your Local Fibro Girl
Hi everyone. I'm sorry my posts have been sporadic, this vertigo is getting to me. Today I had an appointment with a doctor my parents see about the vertigo. He isn't sure what is going on. I felt like I was rushed out of the office, which didn't make me happy. He's a good doctor, but I'm hesitant to make him my primary. He gave me a prescription for something that starts with an 'a' but I'm not sure what it is yet. He said it might help the dizziness.

When the vertigo gets bad, my ears ring and I get this weird tingling sensation on my tongue, behind my eyes, and at the back of my head. It's really weird. I told the doctor about it and he sounded puzzled. Has anyone dealt with vertigo like this before? What type of doctor did you see? What did you do to make it better, or at least more manageable?

Today I called the Fibromyalgia Centers of America to see if my insurance would cover a visit, on a long shot. It turns out it does! I have an appointment with them on Wednesday. The doctor is a chiropractor, which I'm slightly wary about. I figured it wouldn't hurt to at least hear what this doctor has to say.

Does anyone else live in the Chicago-area that sees specialists for fibro? I've been trying to find a new doctor without success. Any suggestions would be very much appreciated!

I hope everyone has a great night! I'll update you guys on what else has been going on tomorrow.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

My vertigo was really bad today. Woke up super sore. I way over did it yesterday. Almost fainted again. I'm so tired. 4 AM here. I can't lay down, room spins too much. Hoping I can pass out soon. Sorry for short post, too tired, foggy, and flared to think.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Doctor Appointment and Disappointment

Today I had my pre-op physical with my primary doctor, who I have seen for over 18 years now. I called in the morning to confirm the appointment time and I was told that I didn't have an appointment, but I had an appointment last Friday, which I supposedly missed. This was impossible! I had class last Friday and I wasn't in my home town, there is no way I would have scheduled an appointment for then. After fighting with the nurse, they fit me in at 1:30. (I went back and checked my phone logs -- I call all my doctors at once for appointments and I called on the 9th to schedule this appointment. How could I have made the appointment on the 9th for the 5th?) Kolton came over, picked me up, and off we went to the doctor's. We got there and after a lot of waiting, got in to a room. The nurse was very standoffish and rude, I felt as though she really didn't care at all. After the physical, I told my doctor what has been going on with the vertigo and fainting... He completely blew me off, even though this has never happened before. I was told to drink some Gatorade and call him next week if it is still there. Ridiculous. I really don't think I'm returning to that office again, which really makes me sad...

After the appointment, Kolton and I went to a park that used to be a fairground in the 1900's. I love going out there, it's so interesting! I got bit by a bunch of fire ants though. We got back to my house and then gardened for my mom. I mowed part of the front lawn! That was the first time I've mowed in over five years! I also made dinner (grilled chicken, potatoes, and corn!), which wiped me out. I way over did it today... It was kind of nice though, I felt almost normal. I'm paying for it now though. I'm so sore and now I can't sleep because of the pain. I'm so sick of taking the painkillers... I'd rather tough it out tonight.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Long Days Are Ahead...

Hi all, I hope everyone is doing well!

Today was my first full day off of school. One of my professors gave me an extension, so I still have to complete some work for one of my classes. I'm going to start work on that tomorrow. I settled in a bit more today. I set up my TV and DVD player, which is nice. No cable yet though. I cleaned and did all sorts of stuff today! I'm exhausted now though and in a lot of pain. I probably should take a pain killer, but I'm just so sick of them!

My vertigo and ear ringing are still really bothering me. Several people have brought up the possibility that this could be more than just fibro. My symptoms have been so severe for the past six months... I'm scared to think that there could be more wrong with me. Life is already so hard. I know that if there is something and we figure it out, it could get better once treated... I'm just scared.

I tweeted this great link earlier. Open Letter To Normals About Fibromyalgia http://ow.ly/dBsY. Many people have retweeted it, which is really cool! I found the link while browsing The Fibromyalgia Community. I also joined the Fibrom-L mailing list, which I also found while on the FMS Community. Hopefully those links will be useful!

I still have a lot of unpacking to do. I need to make a list of things to talk about with my doctor. Kolton will be there with me, so hopefully we won't forget anything!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Today was a really long day. Two finals and then all that packing... I'm back home now, thankfully. I fainted three times while packing. I think it was just from stress. I keep experiencing vertigo... It's super annoying. With my two sisters' help and Kolton's help, we were able to get everything packed up and moved. All of my stuff is still in the car, minus my laptop and laundry. It'll be really nice to have clean clothes.

Kolton and I went out and had a really long talk about how to handle this summer. We're not sure how we're going to get through everything. We're both really worried. I'm not really sure how I feel about being home. At my dorm I could be an adult and I had complete control over everything. Now I'm back home and things have kind of fallen apart. It was like Kolton and I made a home at my dorm together... Now that's gone. It's going to be weird not having somewhere where we can just be ourselves.

I'm just exhausted. It's storming. I'm really worried about the fainting business. I have a doctor appointment on Friday, so I'm going to talk to him about it then. Kolton and I might be going on a picnic after my appointment, it's supposed to be partly sunny at 72 degrees! Here's to hoping!
One more final to go. I got the test back from last night -- I got a 17%. I don't think I'm going to pass that class... I'm not looking forward to retaking it. Last night Kolton ended up coming over, even though he worked for 10 hours straight. He made me feel considerably better. He's coming over after I finish my last final to help me finish packing and moving everything out. My sisters are going to be here too. I can't wait to get home... It's going to be so weird moving back home. At college I can do whatever, whenever I want. At home, not so much. I hate having to ask for permission to go out. I always have to be home early too, whereas here a lot of times I'm out until two or three in the morning.

It's been raining for quite a while. I'm so sore. I woke up barely able to move and foggy beyond belief. I can't even remember what was on my music theory final. I'm just exhausted... No matter how much I sleep, I'm still tired. I really just want to be held for a while. It's supposed to rain all day. I don't know how I'm going to finish packing and everything.

Thanks for the well wishes everyone. Your comments really make me feel quite a bit better. ♥

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Life is bad. My application for a private student loan was denied. I haven't been able to work since November and have absolutely no money. I haven't been eating much because I have no money and I don't want to ask my parents for any... I know we're not that great financially right now. I don't know what to do. I've been studying almost all day and I can't remember anything. I'm in so much pain I just want to scream. I had another asthma attack last night. I keep getting sicker and sicker. I just don't know what to do anymore... Tomorrow I move out of my dorm and back home. Two finals tomorrow. One test tonight, that I know I'm going to fail. I really just want to go far away for a while. I really just need a break before I lose it completely and snap. My surgery is in less than a month. I have my physical for the surgery on Friday.

I'm in a really bad place right now. I can't stop crying or shaking. I just can't handle all of this stress and pressure anymore, nor can I continue pretending that everything is okay. I really wish I still had a therapist. I think I'm in the middle of a breakdown.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Sometimes i forget how bitter i can get. I'm laying in bed right now in immense pain and it won't stop. I just want a break.
It has been such a long week. My mom was discharged from the hospital today, thankfully. She's feeling a lot better but is extremely weak.

I'm flaring... again. I'm just exhausted. All I've really done this week is sleep. One of my best friends, Sam, is going to sleep over tonight to make sure I get up for class tomorrow morning. We haven't hung out much lately so I'm excited.

Only 6 days left of class... I'm just so ready to get out. Life has been kicking my butt. I'm just exhausted both physically and mentally. I really need to get away for a while.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Surprise romance and drama.

Hi all. Today was supposed to be a break, but it ended in a lot of stress. :(

Last night I ended up cleaning for three and a half hours in preparation for moving out of my dorm next week. I also finished a paper for one of my classes. Only one paper left! Today I was able to go to all of my classes, which is wonderful! ☺ After class I went to the store and got supplies for a big surprise I had planned for Kolton. He's been working a lot and just started summer classes, so I decided to surprise him. I made us a really nice dinner (pasta and garlic bread with milk and sparkling grape juice!) and I picked us up two pieces of cheesecake for dessert. When he came over after work, I was waiting for him in a beautiful black velvet dress with a pearl necklace and heels, with dinner all ready to eat spread out on the floor on top of a blanket (I don't have a table) and with soft music playing, all lit by the multi-colored Christmas lights I have strung around my dorm. It was very relaxing and romantic. He was so surprised! We definitely needed it, we haven't really had time for romance since we first started dating because so much has happened. It was extremely refreshing. I like surprising him. He deserved it too, he does so much for me. ♥

Then I got a text message from my youngest sister, Shelly, saying that my mom was in the ER. After waiting for a while, they found out that it is viral bronchitis. They're going to keep her overnight just to be careful. She's getting breathing treatments every four hours. I just hope she's going to be okay... I worry so much.

I'm flaring, again. I only have 8 days left of school and 35 days until my surgery. I'm just so fed up with my health that I want to scream. Tomorrow morning I think I'm going to try to go for a walk... We'll see how that goes. Tomorrow I'm going with Kolton to the library and I'm going to work on a research paper while he's at his job there. I have no classes tomorrow, so hopefully I'll get to relax a bit. It's supposed to thunderstorm, yuck!