Sleepless Nights...

I have barely been sleeping recently. The weather is really messing with me and the pain has been so bad. My medications just aren't helping like they should be. My medications are making me itchy and hot, and honestly just ill-tempered. The pain is mostly in my back/neck tonight. My neck and upper back is so knotted up it is ridiculous. It's only making the pain worse, which in turn makes the knots worse. It's a lose-lose situation. I can't get the knots to go away in the slightest. I want to sleep, but I just can't. I'm not tired enough. I'm fatigued, but not tired. It's driving me crazy. I really need to start a new muscle relaxant. I've been on 350mg of Soma for way too long and it just isn't working now. I like Soma because it doesn't knock me out, like most muscle relaxants, but I just can't take this.

In better news, Kolton and I are celebrating our year and a half anniversary on Friday. Tomorrow we are supposed to be going to the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago, which I am super excited about. It's a free week, so we are taking the train up to Chicago and then taking a bus to the museum. I'm really hoping that we can get to go to the Buckingham Fountain. I've only been there once. Some more exciting news is that a friend that I have had for 16 years and I have been talking tonight. I've missed her a lot. I forgot how nice it is to talk to her. We've always gotten along really well and we understand each other very well. :)

Yesterday I had my first appointment at the Fibromyalgia Centers of America. I honestly still don't know my feelings on it yet. The doctor examined me, took a spinal x-ray, and did some sort of temperature thing to see if any of my nerves were putting off heat, which could signify a pinched nerve. My back was lit up like a Christmas tree. The doctor said he would go over the x-rays and see what he could do to help treat my fibro, or if he could. I felt like the appointment was a bit too slick. The doctor seemed to care and know a lot about fibro, but I don't know. I'm going back on Friday. I honestly just don't know. I'm worried that he's one of the jerks that are trying to make a quick buck off of someone's fear and despair... Kolton is going with me again on Friday to help me.

This morning I woke up in a lot of pain. My back and legs just ache beyond belief. I'm so tired of this. I feel drained and exhausted... It is as though someone took a hammer and beat me while I was asleep. I don't want to take any medicine for it though. I'm just so tired of not being alert and aware of what is going on. I'm having a rough day. Ow... Now breathing hurts! Stupid back. Stupid fibro.

I'm doing my best to stay positive... It's just one of those really hard days. It's been raining all week and it's supposed to rain again tomorrow. Yuck.

My vertigo has not bothered me at all yet today! I am taking the Meclazine still to be on the safe side since I have to drive later, but yay! Today is my appointment at the Fibromyalgia Centers of America. Kolton is going to come with me! I am feeling okay today... It is raining right now and it's supposed to rain still tomorrow, so I'm slightly achy, but it's not that bad at all. Yay! I didn't realize how draining the vertigo has been until now. I have so much more energy today!

If you have been following me on Twitter, you have probably noticed that I am in support of the Iranians and that I have been helping spread the news. I am not from Iran, I am just a student living in America who wants to support their fight for justice. As someone on Twitter put it last night (sorry, I can't remember who!), this isn't about the candidates any more - it's about justice and freedom. Today I am wearing green in support and I just changed my blog to green. I wanted to go to the rally in Chicago last night (I live about 25 miles from downtown Chicago), but I wasn't feeling well enough. If another one happens, I want to go and show my support. Some people are confused as to why I am doing this... I can't just sit here and do nothing when people are dying and being beaten for saying that the election was fixed. I don't support any of the candidates in Iran - I support peace.

Surprise romance and drama.

Hi all. Today was supposed to be a break, but it ended in a lot of stress. :(

Last night I ended up cleaning for three and a half hours in preparation for moving out of my dorm next week. I also finished a paper for one of my classes. Only one paper left! Today I was able to go to all of my classes, which is wonderful! ☺ After class I went to the store and got supplies for a big surprise I had planned for Kolton. He's been working a lot and just started summer classes, so I decided to surprise him. I made us a really nice dinner (pasta and garlic bread with milk and sparkling grape juice!) and I picked us up two pieces of cheesecake for dessert. When he came over after work, I was waiting for him in a beautiful black velvet dress with a pearl necklace and heels, with dinner all ready to eat spread out on the floor on top of a blanket (I don't have a table) and with soft music playing, all lit by the multi-colored Christmas lights I have strung around my dorm. It was very relaxing and romantic. He was so surprised! We definitely needed it, we haven't really had time for romance since we first started dating because so much has happened. It was extremely refreshing. I like surprising him. He deserved it too, he does so much for me. ♥

Then I got a text message from my youngest sister, Shelly, saying that my mom was in the ER. After waiting for a while, they found out that it is viral bronchitis. They're going to keep her overnight just to be careful. She's getting breathing treatments every four hours. I just hope she's going to be okay... I worry so much.

I'm flaring, again. I only have 8 days left of school and 35 days until my surgery. I'm just so fed up with my health that I want to scream. Tomorrow morning I think I'm going to try to go for a walk... We'll see how that goes. Tomorrow I'm going with Kolton to the library and I'm going to work on a research paper while he's at his job there. I have no classes tomorrow, so hopefully I'll get to relax a bit. It's supposed to thunderstorm, yuck!

Hi! How is everyone's day going? Today was a long day for me. I slept great last night! After my concert last night, Kolton and I went and got dinner and then went for a lovely walk. I'm pretty sure that the walk guaranteed me sleeping well. We went to breakfast and lunch together today, which was quite lovely. We went to the mall and I got some new nose studs and some makeup. Victoria's Secret is having a 75 percent off sale on their makeup! I got some great eyeshadow, lip gloss, and makeup remover for about 12 dollars instead of over 40 dollars! It was awesome. After the mall we took a really nice nap. I fell asleep super quickly and slept like a rock. After the nap, we went to a swampy area and went 'frogging.' We tried to catch frogs with nets. I was able to catch one! I also caught a crawfish. Kolton caught a few crawfish, a dragonfly larvae, and a tadpole. He almost got a frog too, but it swam out of his net. It was so much fun! I fell in the mud. Right now Kolton and I are at his dad's house watching movies with his dad and his brother. Kolton was nice and let me borrow his shower and some clothes so I didn't have to sit around in muddy clothes.

I'm hoping that the exercise I've been doing lately will help my fibro. I've been doing more stretching than normal and I've also been walking a lot. I've been getting exhausted very quickly again. My back is still really bothering me too... Hopefully it'll stop soon. I'm really tired of this flare.

I hope everyone has a great night! I'll talk to you all tomorrow.

I just have to get through the rest of the term.

There are only 28 days left until I get out of school for the summer. Right now I'm in a 3 and a half hour class. I'm so tired... My significant other surprised me this morning and took me for ice cream. We flew a kite after that. He makes me so happy. ☺

Today has gone somewhat better than yesterday did. They turned on my air conditioning last night, so I woke up able to breathe for once. My pain levels are no where near as high as they were yesterday. Usually the most extreme pain is in the morning and it fades as the day goes on, but today it was opposite that. I woke up feeling okay, and now I feel horrible. I had rehearsal at four and class from 6:30 until 10:00pm. After rehearsal, my friend asked how I feel. "I feel as though a bus hit me, ran over me, backed up over me, and ran over me again... Then a bulldozer came and scooped me off the ground, but then a garbage truck scooped me up, threw me into the trash, brought me to the waste management area, and I was then incinerated with the trash." I really just want to throw a tantrum, crying and sobbing, until I feel better again.

Tomorrow I only have one class... Both music theory and choir rehearsal were canceled, thankfully. I don't have to wake up until noon if I choose to. After that, Kolton is supposed to come by. ☺ I'm excited. I love spending time with him. We took a nap earlier and it was the best I've slept in a few weeks now.

I'm sorry if I'm scatterbrained right now. I'm currently on Darvocet and Flexeril, Darvocet for the pain and Flexeril is a muscle relaxant. Darvocet is much nicer to me than the Norco is , thankfully. As soon as this class is over, I'm going back to my dorm and passing out I think... I might watch TV or read a magazine, but I am just exhausted. Taking a shower exhausted me earlier... I don't even remember laying down, and yet I took a short nap after my shower. Someone was in the handicapped shower and I didn't want to wait, so I took my shower in the normal one. Stupid communal showers.

I suppose I'll wrap this up for now, I imagine I've rambled enough.

*Gentle hugs!*

“I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much."

This morning I woke up in extreme pain. My back and legs made me scream because it hurt so much. It took me over an hour to roll over so I could email my professors. My significant other, Kolton, came over as soon as he was done with a final. He is such a sweetheart. He takes such good care of me. I honestly don't know what I'd do without him. He stayed with me and kept me company until a few hours ago, when he had to leave for work. I'm so lucky that he loves me so.

I become very pessimistic when it gets this bad. It's very hard to think positive. Right now I'm laying in bed, eating chocolate he brought me and watching Alladin on TV. I'm supposed to meet up with a friend and a tutor in an hour to study music theory. I really need the help, but I'm not sure that I can get there. They're meeting across the street, but I really don't know. I'm going to do my best to get there.

I'm going to go rest some more before the study session. I'm hoping I can make it!

*Gentle hugs to everyone*