Showing posts with label sleep problems. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sleep problems. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Hypnagogic Sleep & Dreams

While reading the book Left for Dead by Pete Nelson, I discovered the following section of the book on how your body is affected when you don't get enough REM sleep. According to my last sleep study, only 7% of my sleep was REM sleep. I very rarely get restorative, restful sleep. I have never heard of hypnagogic sleep/dreams before reading this book, but it explains very closely (just a bit more severe than mine, obviously!) how my sleep feels to me. 

The book, Left for Dead, was about the sinking of the USS Indianapolis on July 30, 1945. Book description from Amazon.com: "Just after midnight on July 30, 1945, the USS Indianapolis was torpedoed by a Japanese submarine. The ship sank in 14 minutes. More than 1,000 men were thrown into shark-infested waters. Those who survived the fiery sinking—some injured, many without life jackets—struggled to stay afloat in shark-infested waters as they waited for rescue. But the United States Navy did not even know they were missing. The Navy needed a scapegoat for this disaster. So it court-martialed the captain for “hazarding” his ship. The survivors of theIndianapolis knew that their captain was not to blame. For 50 years they worked to clear his name, even after his untimely death. But the navy would not budge—until an 11-year-old boy named Hunter Scott entered the picture. His history fair project on the Indianapolis soon became a crusade to restore the captain’s good name and the honor of the men who served under him."

Lack of REM sleep/Hypnagogic Sleep and Dreams

"Many of the men went 'out of their heads,' to varying degrees, for varying lengths of time, from simple sleep deprivation. Hallucinations, compelling fantasies, obsessive thoughts, uncontrollable fears and emotions, delirium, hopelessness and despair are all expressions of psychic damage, and during sleep is the time when the psyche heals and repairs itself by dreaming. Without sleep, microscopic psychic injuries can rub and chafe and become infected too. 
"It's not just any kind of sleep that the mind needs to repair itself. The deepest sleep we experience, perhaps a dozen times a night, is called Rapid Eye Movement, or REM, sleep. It's also the time when our muscles become totally relaxed, to the point where we can no longer move. REM sleep is absolutely essential to our well-being. In a pioneering study of REM sleep done at Stanford University, rats were deprived of REM sleep when they were placed on an overturned flowerpot in the middle of a bucket of water. The rat being studied could balance on the pot as long as it had muscle tone, even fall asleep, but as soon as it entered REM and lost muscle tone, it fell off the pot and into the water. After a few days, the formerly docile laboratory rats turned into hyperaggressive, psychotic rats that fought with one another and bit the lab workers who were trying to handle them. What happened to the men in the water was similar to what happened to those rats. The men wearing life jackets who tried to sleep found that as soon as they lost muscle tone, their faces would fall forward into the water, waking them up and depriving them of REM sleep.
"When men could doze off (and never for more than a few minutes at a time) they experienced a much lighter, less restorative kind of sleep called hypnagogic sleep. Whereas REM sleep brings with it dreams unrelated to current experience or daily life, hypnagogic dreams at the onset of sleep take place in the borderland between sleep and wakefulness, and correspond more closely to recent events in the subject's life, fusing reality and fantasy. Hypnagogic dreams tend to be primarily visual in quality, hallucinations that seem, to the dreamer, to be quite well organized and internally coherent, bizarre fantasies that nevertheless make perfect sense somehow. They are also dreams we feel we can participate in rather than simply observe. hypnagogic dreams also tend to express a heightened awareness of the body's position or condition, dreams where, for example, if your arm has fallen asleep in bed, you might dream your hand has become encased in concrete and you can't lift it. (Nelson, 79-80)."
Book excerpt from Left for Dead, by Pete Nelson.

Sunday, June 30, 2013

Teas that help fight night terrors & an update!

Hi everyone!

I'm back from staying with my best friend/'sister' and her family in St. Louis for two and a half weeks. I left the morning after the anniversary of my mom's death. I just couldn't handle being in my house... She passed away in our living room, so I can't even sit in there usually.

While I was in St. Louis, my best friend (who used to work for Teavana), introduced me to two different teas from Tea Forté -- Lemon Vervain (also known as Lemon Verbena) and Lemon Lavender. Both of these teas have really helped me sleep!

According to WebMD, Lemon Vervain/Lemon Verbena can help with:
Lemon verbena is a plant. The leaves and the flowering tops are used to make medicine.
Lemon verbena is used for digestive disorders including indigestion, gas, colic,diarrhea, and constipation. It is also used for agitation, joint pain, trouble sleeping (insomnia), asthma, colds, fever, hemorrhoids, varicose veins, skin conditions, and chills.
In foods and manufacturing, lemon verbena is used as an ingredient in herbal teas, as a fragrance in perfumes, and as an ingredient in alcoholic beverages. 
How does it work? 
Lemon verbena contains a substance that might kill mites and bacteria.
It truly has been letting me sleep much better than I have in a long time! Both teas are loose, so you will need a tea infuser or something similar.

If you are planning on trying the tea out (25 servings for $8!), please send me a DM on Twitter or leave a comment here. If you use a referral, we both get a $5 credit to the site! Each account can only recruit 5 people (to limit how much people can make through referrals), but I could really use the credits, since disability still hasn't come through and my dad's work is moving from Illinois to Ohio, so he's trying to find a new job.

Please let me know if you've tried these teas and if they've helped you! I'd much rather drink a cup or two of tea at night rather than take medication -- and I know that this feeling is shared by many spoonies.

In other news, I broke 2,000 followers! I'm in shock! My significant other, Kolton, sent me the link to the BBC article on The Spoon Theory by the ever-so-lovely Christine Miserandino (@bydls), the woman who runs ButYouDontLookSick.com, only moments after it was posted! It seems I broke the story on Twitter -- I've had so many RTs! Thank you all so much for helping me spread the word about The Spoon Theory. As someone who has an invisible illness, The Spoon Theory has helped me explain to my teachers in high school and college about what it is like to live with one.

I'm planning on beginning to start blogging regularly again! Hopefully I can stick to it this time, lol!

Love you all!
SpoonieJen

Monday, September 3, 2012

Pessimistic about being optimistic?

I'm sorry I haven't really blogged. I feel like I apologize every time I write a post (I probably do, lol). Life just never seems to stop being so... hectic. I'm still in mourning and the smallest things set me off. My depression and anxiety have been especially bad, including my night terrors. I seem to be constantly sick, as in fevers, chills, butterfly rashes, itchiness (everywhere!), and nausea and/or throwing up. I sleep all the time. Plus I'm getting multiple migraines daily. Ugh.

Peppy around 1.5 months old~ So cute!
I guess it's just one of those things. I need to go get an MRI done of my right hand and then see the rheumatologist again. It's just so difficult to schedule those types of appointments when I can't drive. My goal for the next year is to get off the heavy meds so I can begin driving again... I mean, if I can drive, I can go to school, work, see friends... The possibilities are endless. Instead I sit at home, do yoga (if I can), watch TV/Netflix/Hulu, and sleep. I see Kolton about once a week, sometimes twice.

In happier news, I have a pet rat! His name is Peppy and he lives next to my couch. Right now he's moving around newspaper and shredding it while chittering loudly. Chittering for rats is like when cats purr. Our two month anniversary was yesterday~ I'm guessing he's about 3 months, maybe 2.5 months old. He is a male dumbo rat. He makes me so very happy. He keeps me sane, haha. It actually really helps, having the responsibility of taking care of him. We kind of take care of each other in a way.

I didn't sleep much last night. I fell asleep right after dinner and then woke up around 1:30 AM. It's now 8:08 AM and I haven't slept since waking up. I think it's going to rain... My legs are aching something fierce.

I'm really trying to be more optimistic and more ... happier? I want to be happy. It's just so damn hard. I'm happy when I'm with Kolton, who I'm supposed to see today~! I'm happy when I can actually relax some and am not in major pain, but that is so rare these past few years. 

I feel so stuck.

Love you all~ Hope to hear from you guys soon!

xoxo,
Jen




Saturday, August 21, 2010

Frustration

I hate myself. I hate myself for being a disappointment to my parents. I hate myself for being a money-sucking, financial burden to them. I hate myself for causing my family stress. I hate myself for not being able to sleep. I hate myself for being moody, irritable, and all together annoying. I hate myself for being sick; I should be able to stop being in so much pain by just focusing enough. I hate myself for needing the morphine to get through a day. I hate myself for being scared. I hate myself for being this depressed. I hate myself for pushing everyone away and losing almost every single friend I have. I hate myself for not being able to make dinner when my family needs me to. I hate myself for not being able to do my easy chores. I hate myself for not being able to stay on top of the things I know I have to do. I hate myself for being self-centered enough to type this stupid blog. I hate myself for a million other things.

I can't focus on anything but self-hatred. I've been having a pity party all night. My thoughts just keep repeating themselves over and over again. I want to scream, but I can't. I can't lay down (or is it lie down? I have never been able to remember the difference) because my back hurts too much. I've been propped up against pillows. I want to sleep so badly... My sleeping pills have been knocking me out for 14+ hours lately, probably because I have had way too many sleepless nights recently.

I just can't live like this any more. I am in so much pain... The morphine and percocet are barely shaving the top off of it. Earlier I sat in the kitchen just bawling because I didn't know what to do. I needed to make dinner, but the chicken I had pulled out the day before was still frozen and we need groceries. Everything I could think of that I could make was out of reach physically. I might have been able to make pancakes, but that would have meant making the batter from scratch and standing there for at least 30 minutes flipping the pancakes (that's a lot of pancakes, but I have to feed 6). I just couldn't comprehend the amount of movement it would have taken. I tried reaching for the mixing bowl I needed, but I couldn't lift my arms high enough. How was I supposed to spend over half an hour cooking? We ended up ordering pizza. I know I'm a huge disappointment to my parents... I try so hard, but it's not going to be good enough. 

I know no one wants to hear this, but I can't find my journal. Even if I could, I don't think I could hand write. I could just type this up in a word document, but I wouldn't bother. I need to make myself accountable, otherwise I won't vent. I'm not going to feel any better after this, but I just can't not write this.

I just don't want to live any more. I'm not going to commit suicide or anything, but I'm tired. I'm tired of sleepless nights, of it being too painful to cry. What do you do when you reach this point, if you do?

Monday, June 14, 2010

Sleepless Nights...

I have barely been sleeping recently. The weather is really messing with me and the pain has been so bad. My medications just aren't helping like they should be. My medications are making me itchy and hot, and honestly just ill-tempered. The pain is mostly in my back/neck tonight. My neck and upper back is so knotted up it is ridiculous. It's only making the pain worse, which in turn makes the knots worse. It's a lose-lose situation. I can't get the knots to go away in the slightest. I want to sleep, but I just can't. I'm not tired enough. I'm fatigued, but not tired. It's driving me crazy. I really need to start a new muscle relaxant. I've been on 350mg of Soma for way too long and it just isn't working now. I like Soma because it doesn't knock me out, like most muscle relaxants, but I just can't take this.

In better news, Kolton and I are celebrating our year and a half anniversary on Friday. Tomorrow we are supposed to be going to the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago, which I am super excited about. It's a free week, so we are taking the train up to Chicago and then taking a bus to the museum. I'm really hoping that we can get to go to the Buckingham Fountain. I've only been there once. Some more exciting news is that a friend that I have had for 16 years and I have been talking tonight. I've missed her a lot. I forgot how nice it is to talk to her. We've always gotten along really well and we understand each other very well. :)

Monday, May 18, 2009

Sleepless Nights...

I'm really tired. I barely slept last night, I spent the entire night tossing and turning. Kolton was a sweetheart and talked to me for quite a while on the phone, which helped. I woke up this morning in extreme pain, again. I feel like this is never going to end and that I just can't catch a break. My entire back is very tight and sore. I'm unable to move enough to get to classes again. I don't know how in the world I'm going to get through the rest of this term. 23 more days until I'm out of classes for the summer, and 50 days until my ACL Reconstruction surgery. When I checked my email this morning, I saw that my chronic illness counselor had emailed me, telling me she's unable to meet with us (Kolton & I) this week... I haven't seen her since April 29th. I was really looking forward to the meeting this week, I really need to talk about this flare and I don't want to burden Kolton with it.

My sleep medicine is finally in! I had to mail-order all of my upkeep medications, and they have been delayed... But they're finally here! I'll finally be able to sleep again. ☺ For sleep, I take 25mg of Elavil. It really helps me.

I don't know what to do with myself right now. Kolton is working until at least 5pm (or did he start at 5pm? I can't remember anymore), so he won't be here to help me until then. I can't get up to go to classes... I guess that means it's another day spent wasted. I'm going to try to study, but I'm rather foggy and I know that I'm just going to get really frustrated from not being able to remember anything. Oh well.