A new start?

Thank you so much for the well wishes everyone! The doctor did an aerthoscopic surgery. I had a lateral band released on my left knee. They were supposed to work on my ACL also, but it didn't need it! Today at physical therapy they removed the bandages and I got to see the incisions. They don't look that bad at all. I'm allowed to shower tomorrow, as long as I have water proof bandages over my stitches. Physical therapy today was sooooo painful. I was able to bend my knee to 60º with assistance. I'm still having a lot of trouble picking my leg up to get into bed, and I'm having difficulty getting up without assistance.

My knee is so swollen! It's about double the size of my other knee right now. I've been icing it a lot, but it's still pretty bad.

I think I might go take a nap. Physical therapy really drained me!

Six hours until surgery. I'm terrified. Petrified. I was okay until about two hours ago. Kolton was there for the first hour and then he had to leave. I've been sitting in my bed just sobbing and crying my eyes out. I'm so scared. I really just need a hug, but I can't get one. Kolton just sat there holding my hand and listening. I've been listening to extremely loud music just to drown out all of my thoughts.

I have to be at the surgery center at 6 AM. Surgery is at 7 AM. I'm so terrified... I can't stop shaking or crying.

Yesterday I saw the chiropractor again. It went well. He explained my X-rays to me and I got a copy of them. Then he adjusted parts of my spine. It didn't hurt and it actually made me feel a bit better. I feel like a lot of pressure is off of my back now! Afterwards, they used a TENS unit on me, which helped quite a bit! I also laid on a roller table that massaged my back. It felt so good. After the session I was slightly sore but not that badly. Today I am feeling okay. My knee is feeling unstable so I've had it wrapped for most of the day, which helps a tiny bit.

Things have been stressful. I've been trying to make sure I relax... I haven't been sleeping well because of the stress. I don't know how to fix all of this. I feel that no matter what I do it won't help. I just wish that I had a job and that I was capable of working... That would fix quite a bit of it. It's so hard trying to make ends meet without asking my parents for money. I feel so guilty about it all. It's not my fault that this happened, but I still feel like it is. I can't really go out because I don't want to ask for money, I don't really buy anything, and if I do go out, Kolton pays. I feel so bad. Blah.

On a lighter note, the vertigo is gone. I haven't had it in a few days now. I'm still being cautious, but I'm quite pleased. Only 2 1/2 weeks left until surgery...

Sleepless Nights...

I'm really tired. I barely slept last night, I spent the entire night tossing and turning. Kolton was a sweetheart and talked to me for quite a while on the phone, which helped. I woke up this morning in extreme pain, again. I feel like this is never going to end and that I just can't catch a break. My entire back is very tight and sore. I'm unable to move enough to get to classes again. I don't know how in the world I'm going to get through the rest of this term. 23 more days until I'm out of classes for the summer, and 50 days until my ACL Reconstruction surgery. When I checked my email this morning, I saw that my chronic illness counselor had emailed me, telling me she's unable to meet with us (Kolton & I) this week... I haven't seen her since April 29th. I was really looking forward to the meeting this week, I really need to talk about this flare and I don't want to burden Kolton with it.

My sleep medicine is finally in! I had to mail-order all of my upkeep medications, and they have been delayed... But they're finally here! I'll finally be able to sleep again. ☺ For sleep, I take 25mg of Elavil. It really helps me.

I don't know what to do with myself right now. Kolton is working until at least 5pm (or did he start at 5pm? I can't remember anymore), so he won't be here to help me until then. I can't get up to go to classes... I guess that means it's another day spent wasted. I'm going to try to study, but I'm rather foggy and I know that I'm just going to get really frustrated from not being able to remember anything. Oh well.