Stress Relief

Life has been extremely stressful recently. There has been a lot of fighting in my home and I'm to blame for it. I'm really struggling with my depression lately and I've been very apathetic to everything. That isn't going over too well with my family. I understand completely why they are upset, but all I want to do lately is cry. I can't even do that. I just feel empty. My neurologist doubled my Zoloft from 50mg to 100mg a day in hopes that it will help. I really hope it does! I just can't live like this any more.

I do have really great news!  The steroid shots seemed to have finally helped. My muscles are way more relaxed and less painful. It is such a relief! I was really worried that they weren't going to help and I went through all that pain. I am so happy they worked!

I have been doing Tai Chi and yoga again, which always help my stress levels. I have also been meditating. Last night I sat out on the deck staring at the stars while listening to a Harry Potter audio book. It's amazing what a difference the little things can make to a person's outlook. Here's hoping things continue to perk up a bit!

Today has been wonderful too, which has really helped me. Kolton and I had a lovely date. We're going to my friend Crystal's house tonight for a get-together which will be fun. I'm really happy things are going well between Kolton and me. I really love him. I am honestly the luckiest woman alive to have such a caring and supportive man who loves me this much.

Relay for Life

Last night I took part in Relay for Life, unexpectedly. I loved it, especially in light of what's been going on with my mom. My friend's family had a team, so I joined them and walked for six hours. I don't know how I did it, haha! It was a blast. My friend Kat and I walked and walked and walked. We caught up, as we haven't seen each other since high school. It was really nice.

I posted on my facebook: 

Jen helped raise over $15,000 with Relay for Life in Lockport last night in support of cancer research. It was all for you, [mom]. I love you mom.

Her response?

Thank you, Jen - I love you very much and I know this took a lot out of you, for a very fine cause. I think I'm living proof that all the money raised towards research is indeed helping many live a much longer life than would've been possible not so long ago.

I'm so happy right now, even if I'm exhausted and sore.

Update

Hi all... These past two weeks have been very difficult for me. As said on Twitter, I would tell everyone what was going on this week.

Last Monday, mom was admitted to the hospital due to severe side pain. They transferred her to the hospital where her medical file was. She was admitted. Thursday night, my mom returned home. They ran bone scans, CAT scans, MRIs, and a liver biopsy.

My mom's breast cancer has moved to her liver. The tumor is rather large, from what I understand. Surgery is not an option. They are going to be giving her chemo pills indefinitely. I do not know what stage it is at. Her doctor has high hopes and thinks that she will be fine.

I don't know what to do. I'm angry, I'm scared, I'm upset... I'm numb to be honest. I just don't know what to do.

Chemo starts tonight I think. Please keep my family in your thoughts and prayers... I'm so scared.

Surprise romance and drama.

Hi all. Today was supposed to be a break, but it ended in a lot of stress. :(

Last night I ended up cleaning for three and a half hours in preparation for moving out of my dorm next week. I also finished a paper for one of my classes. Only one paper left! Today I was able to go to all of my classes, which is wonderful! ☺ After class I went to the store and got supplies for a big surprise I had planned for Kolton. He's been working a lot and just started summer classes, so I decided to surprise him. I made us a really nice dinner (pasta and garlic bread with milk and sparkling grape juice!) and I picked us up two pieces of cheesecake for dessert. When he came over after work, I was waiting for him in a beautiful black velvet dress with a pearl necklace and heels, with dinner all ready to eat spread out on the floor on top of a blanket (I don't have a table) and with soft music playing, all lit by the multi-colored Christmas lights I have strung around my dorm. It was very relaxing and romantic. He was so surprised! We definitely needed it, we haven't really had time for romance since we first started dating because so much has happened. It was extremely refreshing. I like surprising him. He deserved it too, he does so much for me. ♥

Then I got a text message from my youngest sister, Shelly, saying that my mom was in the ER. After waiting for a while, they found out that it is viral bronchitis. They're going to keep her overnight just to be careful. She's getting breathing treatments every four hours. I just hope she's going to be okay... I worry so much.

I'm flaring, again. I only have 8 days left of school and 35 days until my surgery. I'm just so fed up with my health that I want to scream. Tomorrow morning I think I'm going to try to go for a walk... We'll see how that goes. Tomorrow I'm going with Kolton to the library and I'm going to work on a research paper while he's at his job there. I have no classes tomorrow, so hopefully I'll get to relax a bit. It's supposed to thunderstorm, yuck!