Life is bad. My application for a private student loan was denied. I haven't been able to work since November and have absolutely no money. I haven't been eating much because I have no money and I don't want to ask my parents for any... I know we're not that great financially right now. I don't know what to do. I've been studying almost all day and I can't remember anything. I'm in so much pain I just want to scream. I had another asthma attack last night. I keep getting sicker and sicker. I just don't know what to do anymore... Tomorrow I move out of my dorm and back home. Two finals tomorrow. One test tonight, that I know I'm going to fail. I really just want to go far away for a while. I really just need a break before I lose it completely and snap. My surgery is in less than a month. I have my physical for the surgery on Friday.
I'm in a really bad place right now. I can't stop crying or shaking. I just can't handle all of this stress and pressure anymore, nor can I continue pretending that everything is okay. I really wish I still had a therapist. I think I'm in the middle of a breakdown.
I'm in a really bad place right now. I can't stop crying or shaking. I just can't handle all of this stress and pressure anymore, nor can I continue pretending that everything is okay. I really wish I still had a therapist. I think I'm in the middle of a breakdown.
Jen, wow! Please hang in there. All that stress is bad news for asthma, Fibro, and all that other stuff. Can you ask a friend for some food to get you through?
ReplyDeleteThe finals may be your lowest priority right now. If you don't do as well as you hope, or fail, you'll still make it through. Make sure you have what you need first and foremost.
It can help to know that you will have better days ahead of you. I have been down where I thought I couldn't come back up, but somehow, I managed to cry through it, talk about it, and finally let things pass, bit by bit. Once finals are over, no matter how you do, it will be a little less for you to worry about.
If you need free therapy, look to your fibromates. :) Please take care and don't be shy if you need to reach out to me or others.
Hello Jen, thanks for sharing! It is not easy to actually write all this down and post it to a blog but it is good that you did. Never mind the tests. You are what matters most now, and you must be kind to yourself. Be kind to yourself. I have to remind myself of it each and every day but it is worth repeating and it is worth doing too. You are the most important person in your life, and your well-being is essential. Reach out for help, we are all here for you! If not for anything else, so for listening. I have been down too, I have fibro and asthma and some other conditions too - I know it is not easy to cope with all that and everyday life in addition. Sometimes it cannot be done. But when you prioritize, put yourself and your well-being first. Always. You are so worth it. And I am so proud of you. Fennougri2009 from Twittter
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