Hi everyone :)

I'm still not feeling great, but I feel slightly better than I did Thursday night. I might go to the doctor's office early this week. My mom is now sick too. :(

School is so close to being over... All I have left is a week and a half. I have two or three papers to write and a bunch of tests to study for. I'm so exhausted. I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through this term.

I hope everyone had a great weekend!

I'm sorry that I haven't been around. It's been forever since I've updated! The past week has been sheer hell. It has been storming here... It's supposed to storm until at least Saturday. This weather is just killing me.

Yesterday I had counseling... My therapist told me that she isn't equipped to deal with my case and she referred me to two others. Oh well. I'm pretty upset -- I feel betrayed. I understand why she did that and everything, but... I don't know. I did my research, she was a therapist for mostly women and she had experience with chronic illness and fibromyalgia. However, it seems that she has dealt with more acute cases of fibro and I have a rather severe case. It took so much strength for me to admit that I need help and to start going to her, and now I have to do that again...

13 days until I'm out of school for the summer and 40 days until my surgery.

I do not feel well at all. I feel like throwing up... I'm super dizzy and the room is so warm. I think I'm leaving class soon.

Hi! How is everyone's day going? Today was a long day for me. I slept great last night! After my concert last night, Kolton and I went and got dinner and then went for a lovely walk. I'm pretty sure that the walk guaranteed me sleeping well. We went to breakfast and lunch together today, which was quite lovely. We went to the mall and I got some new nose studs and some makeup. Victoria's Secret is having a 75 percent off sale on their makeup! I got some great eyeshadow, lip gloss, and makeup remover for about 12 dollars instead of over 40 dollars! It was awesome. After the mall we took a really nice nap. I fell asleep super quickly and slept like a rock. After the nap, we went to a swampy area and went 'frogging.' We tried to catch frogs with nets. I was able to catch one! I also caught a crawfish. Kolton caught a few crawfish, a dragonfly larvae, and a tadpole. He almost got a frog too, but it swam out of his net. It was so much fun! I fell in the mud. Right now Kolton and I are at his dad's house watching movies with his dad and his brother. Kolton was nice and let me borrow his shower and some clothes so I didn't have to sit around in muddy clothes.

I'm hoping that the exercise I've been doing lately will help my fibro. I've been doing more stretching than normal and I've also been walking a lot. I've been getting exhausted very quickly again. My back is still really bothering me too... Hopefully it'll stop soon. I'm really tired of this flare.

I hope everyone has a great night! I'll talk to you all tomorrow.

Star Gazing and Dreaming

Today was busy, busy, busy! I was feeling okay this morning and made it to all three of my classes! I then had a jazz concert in the evening, which both my family and Kolton attended. The concert went well, it was rather stressful though. I'm just glad it's over to be honest... I have been really stressed out over it! After the concert, Kolton and I went to get a bite to eat and then we went for a lovely walk... We went to a river and walked around... It was amazing. We climbed a hill and sat at the top, gazing up at the stars and talking.

My fibro is okay. I'm not feeling nearly as bad as I have been, thankfully.

I am very excited - I found out that there is someone else on campus, that is my age, that has fibro! I mean, it's horrid that she has it... But I'm glad I'm not alone.

I'm exhausted, so I'll write more tomorrow. Night! ♥

Sleepless Nights...

I'm really tired. I barely slept last night, I spent the entire night tossing and turning. Kolton was a sweetheart and talked to me for quite a while on the phone, which helped. I woke up this morning in extreme pain, again. I feel like this is never going to end and that I just can't catch a break. My entire back is very tight and sore. I'm unable to move enough to get to classes again. I don't know how in the world I'm going to get through the rest of this term. 23 more days until I'm out of classes for the summer, and 50 days until my ACL Reconstruction surgery. When I checked my email this morning, I saw that my chronic illness counselor had emailed me, telling me she's unable to meet with us (Kolton & I) this week... I haven't seen her since April 29th. I was really looking forward to the meeting this week, I really need to talk about this flare and I don't want to burden Kolton with it.

My sleep medicine is finally in! I had to mail-order all of my upkeep medications, and they have been delayed... But they're finally here! I'll finally be able to sleep again. ☺ For sleep, I take 25mg of Elavil. It really helps me.

I don't know what to do with myself right now. Kolton is working until at least 5pm (or did he start at 5pm? I can't remember anymore), so he won't be here to help me until then. I can't get up to go to classes... I guess that means it's another day spent wasted. I'm going to try to study, but I'm rather foggy and I know that I'm just going to get really frustrated from not being able to remember anything. Oh well.

Flares and fogs.

Today I feel just exhausted. Yesterday really seems to have taken a toll on me... It was very emotionally stressful. I'm not feeling that well. I keep coughing and I have a migraine. I'm really tired of being sick. This flare has been going on for over two months now. That is ridiculous! My fog has been really bad.

I'm so tired of finding shoes in the fridge or my textbooks with my dishes. I just want to be normal for once. I'm really tired of having to limit my activities so I don't hurt myself or so I don't pay for it later. I just want a chance to be able to live normally! Blahhhh.

I am just fed up with all of this. I have been losing most of my friends because I don't have the energy to keep up friendships or people don't understand that I can't always be there. Oh well...

On a happier note, that picture is the caricature that Kolton and I got yesterday. ☺We're so dorky, but I love it.

Long days and even longer nights.

Today was a long day. My significant other, Kolton, went to the emergency room because he was having a lot of trouble breathing and there was a pool of blood on his pillowcase when he woke up. After a few hours at the emergency room they diagnosed him with bronchitis. He's feeling better now, thankfully! I wasn't able to be at the hospital with him, so I stayed at my dorm worrying. He eventually came over and we went to a festival my college was hosting. We won prizes and got a caricature done. ☺ It was fun.

I'm laying in bed right now, trying to wind down. I'm watching the movie Cadillac Records, which is really interesting. My lower back and knee are giving me a lot of problems right now... I really wish that the pain wasn't so bad. I don't want to take any medicine though... I'm so sick of medicine. I'd really like a day that the pain wasn't so bad without me having to take medication. Oh well.

Time to go lay down and watch the rest of my movie. Goodnight. ♥

I just have to get through the rest of the term.

There are only 28 days left until I get out of school for the summer. Right now I'm in a 3 and a half hour class. I'm so tired... My significant other surprised me this morning and took me for ice cream. We flew a kite after that. He makes me so happy. ☺

Today has gone somewhat better than yesterday did. They turned on my air conditioning last night, so I woke up able to breathe for once. My pain levels are no where near as high as they were yesterday. Usually the most extreme pain is in the morning and it fades as the day goes on, but today it was opposite that. I woke up feeling okay, and now I feel horrible. I had rehearsal at four and class from 6:30 until 10:00pm. After rehearsal, my friend asked how I feel. "I feel as though a bus hit me, ran over me, backed up over me, and ran over me again... Then a bulldozer came and scooped me off the ground, but then a garbage truck scooped me up, threw me into the trash, brought me to the waste management area, and I was then incinerated with the trash." I really just want to throw a tantrum, crying and sobbing, until I feel better again.

Tomorrow I only have one class... Both music theory and choir rehearsal were canceled, thankfully. I don't have to wake up until noon if I choose to. After that, Kolton is supposed to come by. ☺ I'm excited. I love spending time with him. We took a nap earlier and it was the best I've slept in a few weeks now.

I'm sorry if I'm scatterbrained right now. I'm currently on Darvocet and Flexeril, Darvocet for the pain and Flexeril is a muscle relaxant. Darvocet is much nicer to me than the Norco is , thankfully. As soon as this class is over, I'm going back to my dorm and passing out I think... I might watch TV or read a magazine, but I am just exhausted. Taking a shower exhausted me earlier... I don't even remember laying down, and yet I took a short nap after my shower. Someone was in the handicapped shower and I didn't want to wait, so I took my shower in the normal one. Stupid communal showers.

I suppose I'll wrap this up for now, I imagine I've rambled enough.

*Gentle hugs!*

Rainy Nights

It is storming here right now. There's a tornado watch for most of the area. I'm extremely sore... My knee aches from previous sprains and current injuries. My fibromyalgia is also making me so very sore. I'm laying on top of my bed right now with my windows open. I am laying here dreaming of being in Kolton's arms. Rainy nights like this are made for being in your love's arms. He always makes me feel a lot better. I'm cold, but I don't want to lie under my blankets yet.

I don't know what to do with myself right now. I feel all out of sorts.

“I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much."

This morning I woke up in extreme pain. My back and legs made me scream because it hurt so much. It took me over an hour to roll over so I could email my professors. My significant other, Kolton, came over as soon as he was done with a final. He is such a sweetheart. He takes such good care of me. I honestly don't know what I'd do without him. He stayed with me and kept me company until a few hours ago, when he had to leave for work. I'm so lucky that he loves me so.

I become very pessimistic when it gets this bad. It's very hard to think positive. Right now I'm laying in bed, eating chocolate he brought me and watching Alladin on TV. I'm supposed to meet up with a friend and a tutor in an hour to study music theory. I really need the help, but I'm not sure that I can get there. They're meeting across the street, but I really don't know. I'm going to do my best to get there.

I'm going to go rest some more before the study session. I'm hoping I can make it!

*Gentle hugs to everyone*

Hello

So I have created a blog for my fibro, finally. I'm tired of editing myself and not saying how I'm really feeling on my other blogs, so this will be where I can speak freely about how my fibromyalgia has affected my life. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia when I was either 15 or 16, I can't remember any more. It is all a blur.

My health problems began when I was 12. I grew six inches in a year and my kneecap was rubbing against a bone, creating friction and pain. I sprained my knee continuously and eventually needed surgery. When I was a freshman in high school, my knee had an arthroscopic surgery. After I fully recovered, I was wonderful for about six months. I was able to run, play games, and live again. However, six months after that, the pain suddenly returned. My orthopedic continuously sent me back to physical therapy, which only made things worse. That went on for about a year. During my junior year of high school, I suddenly was unable to walk because of extreme pain. I ended up finishing junior year in a wheelchair and was diagnosed with fibromyalgia.

Since then, I was able to graduate high school and continue my education at a wonderful liberal arts college in the Chicago suburbs. I am an elementary education major with a music minor. I have worked extremely hard to stay in school, despite my health problems.

For the past month or so, my fibromyalgia has been flaring very badly. My wisdom teeth began to come in and have really made it horrible. My significant other, Kolton, has made it a lot easier. He supports me very much and does his best to make it better for me. My family is also a huge help. I don't know what I'd do without them.