Long Days Are Ahead...

Hi all, I hope everyone is doing well!

Today was my first full day off of school. One of my professors gave me an extension, so I still have to complete some work for one of my classes. I'm going to start work on that tomorrow. I settled in a bit more today. I set up my TV and DVD player, which is nice. No cable yet though. I cleaned and did all sorts of stuff today! I'm exhausted now though and in a lot of pain. I probably should take a pain killer, but I'm just so sick of them!

My vertigo and ear ringing are still really bothering me. Several people have brought up the possibility that this could be more than just fibro. My symptoms have been so severe for the past six months... I'm scared to think that there could be more wrong with me. Life is already so hard. I know that if there is something and we figure it out, it could get better once treated... I'm just scared.

I tweeted this great link earlier. Open Letter To Normals About Fibromyalgia http://ow.ly/dBsY. Many people have retweeted it, which is really cool! I found the link while browsing The Fibromyalgia Community. I also joined the Fibrom-L mailing list, which I also found while on the FMS Community. Hopefully those links will be useful!

I still have a lot of unpacking to do. I need to make a list of things to talk about with my doctor. Kolton will be there with me, so hopefully we won't forget anything!

Today was a really long day. Two finals and then all that packing... I'm back home now, thankfully. I fainted three times while packing. I think it was just from stress. I keep experiencing vertigo... It's super annoying. With my two sisters' help and Kolton's help, we were able to get everything packed up and moved. All of my stuff is still in the car, minus my laptop and laundry. It'll be really nice to have clean clothes.

Kolton and I went out and had a really long talk about how to handle this summer. We're not sure how we're going to get through everything. We're both really worried. I'm not really sure how I feel about being home. At my dorm I could be an adult and I had complete control over everything. Now I'm back home and things have kind of fallen apart. It was like Kolton and I made a home at my dorm together... Now that's gone. It's going to be weird not having somewhere where we can just be ourselves.

I'm just exhausted. It's storming. I'm really worried about the fainting business. I have a doctor appointment on Friday, so I'm going to talk to him about it then. Kolton and I might be going on a picnic after my appointment, it's supposed to be partly sunny at 72 degrees! Here's to hoping!

One more final to go. I got the test back from last night -- I got a 17%. I don't think I'm going to pass that class... I'm not looking forward to retaking it. Last night Kolton ended up coming over, even though he worked for 10 hours straight. He made me feel considerably better. He's coming over after I finish my last final to help me finish packing and moving everything out. My sisters are going to be here too. I can't wait to get home... It's going to be so weird moving back home. At college I can do whatever, whenever I want. At home, not so much. I hate having to ask for permission to go out. I always have to be home early too, whereas here a lot of times I'm out until two or three in the morning.

It's been raining for quite a while. I'm so sore. I woke up barely able to move and foggy beyond belief. I can't even remember what was on my music theory final. I'm just exhausted... No matter how much I sleep, I'm still tired. I really just want to be held for a while. It's supposed to rain all day. I don't know how I'm going to finish packing and everything.

Thanks for the well wishes everyone. Your comments really make me feel quite a bit better. ♥

Life is bad. My application for a private student loan was denied. I haven't been able to work since November and have absolutely no money. I haven't been eating much because I have no money and I don't want to ask my parents for any... I know we're not that great financially right now. I don't know what to do. I've been studying almost all day and I can't remember anything. I'm in so much pain I just want to scream. I had another asthma attack last night. I keep getting sicker and sicker. I just don't know what to do anymore... Tomorrow I move out of my dorm and back home. Two finals tomorrow. One test tonight, that I know I'm going to fail. I really just want to go far away for a while. I really just need a break before I lose it completely and snap. My surgery is in less than a month. I have my physical for the surgery on Friday.

I'm in a really bad place right now. I can't stop crying or shaking. I just can't handle all of this stress and pressure anymore, nor can I continue pretending that everything is okay. I really wish I still had a therapist. I think I'm in the middle of a breakdown.

Sometimes i forget how bitter i can get. I'm laying in bed right now in immense pain and it won't stop. I just want a break.

It has been such a long week. My mom was discharged from the hospital today, thankfully. She's feeling a lot better but is extremely weak.

I'm flaring... again. I'm just exhausted. All I've really done this week is sleep. One of my best friends, Sam, is going to sleep over tonight to make sure I get up for class tomorrow morning. We haven't hung out much lately so I'm excited.

Only 6 days left of class... I'm just so ready to get out. Life has been kicking my butt. I'm just exhausted both physically and mentally. I really need to get away for a while.

Surprise romance and drama.

Hi all. Today was supposed to be a break, but it ended in a lot of stress. :(

Last night I ended up cleaning for three and a half hours in preparation for moving out of my dorm next week. I also finished a paper for one of my classes. Only one paper left! Today I was able to go to all of my classes, which is wonderful! ☺ After class I went to the store and got supplies for a big surprise I had planned for Kolton. He's been working a lot and just started summer classes, so I decided to surprise him. I made us a really nice dinner (pasta and garlic bread with milk and sparkling grape juice!) and I picked us up two pieces of cheesecake for dessert. When he came over after work, I was waiting for him in a beautiful black velvet dress with a pearl necklace and heels, with dinner all ready to eat spread out on the floor on top of a blanket (I don't have a table) and with soft music playing, all lit by the multi-colored Christmas lights I have strung around my dorm. It was very relaxing and romantic. He was so surprised! We definitely needed it, we haven't really had time for romance since we first started dating because so much has happened. It was extremely refreshing. I like surprising him. He deserved it too, he does so much for me. ♥

Then I got a text message from my youngest sister, Shelly, saying that my mom was in the ER. After waiting for a while, they found out that it is viral bronchitis. They're going to keep her overnight just to be careful. She's getting breathing treatments every four hours. I just hope she's going to be okay... I worry so much.

I'm flaring, again. I only have 8 days left of school and 35 days until my surgery. I'm just so fed up with my health that I want to scream. Tomorrow morning I think I'm going to try to go for a walk... We'll see how that goes. Tomorrow I'm going with Kolton to the library and I'm going to work on a research paper while he's at his job there. I have no classes tomorrow, so hopefully I'll get to relax a bit. It's supposed to thunderstorm, yuck!