zzz

I am so tired... I slept for maybe 45 min tops today. I can barely see straight. I took a sleeping pill last night, but it didnt work. so i sat up all night hallucinating. talk about scary!     right now i am at my neurologists office, waiting to see him. i have been so frustrated with my health lately... stress is not helping me at all.    anyway, on my phone  so maybe more later if im still awake
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Relay for Life

Last night I took part in Relay for Life, unexpectedly. I loved it, especially in light of what's been going on with my mom. My friend's family had a team, so I joined them and walked for six hours. I don't know how I did it, haha! It was a blast. My friend Kat and I walked and walked and walked. We caught up, as we haven't seen each other since high school. It was really nice.

I posted on my facebook: 

Jen helped raise over $15,000 with Relay for Life in Lockport last night in support of cancer research. It was all for you, [mom]. I love you mom.

Her response?

Thank you, Jen - I love you very much and I know this took a lot out of you, for a very fine cause. I think I'm living proof that all the money raised towards research is indeed helping many live a much longer life than would've been possible not so long ago.

I'm so happy right now, even if I'm exhausted and sore.

Life has been really tough.

I'm still in shock about mom's diagnosis... I can't believe that her cancer metastasized to her liver. She started the chemo pills last week... She was extremely sick today. It's really hard on all of my family. I'm so worried about her.

Yesterday I went back to the brain scan place and got my results. My brain's functioning is relatively normal, but my visual memory is lower. My depression rating was extremely high, as was my obsessive compulsiveness. I get a lot of nagging thoughts, but thankfully I don't really have any compulsive behaviors that I'm aware of. I broke down yesterday... It was extremely difficult to see these things written down.

I don't know how to feel anymore.

Update

Hi all... These past two weeks have been very difficult for me. As said on Twitter, I would tell everyone what was going on this week.

Last Monday, mom was admitted to the hospital due to severe side pain. They transferred her to the hospital where her medical file was. She was admitted. Thursday night, my mom returned home. They ran bone scans, CAT scans, MRIs, and a liver biopsy.

My mom's breast cancer has moved to her liver. The tumor is rather large, from what I understand. Surgery is not an option. They are going to be giving her chemo pills indefinitely. I do not know what stage it is at. Her doctor has high hopes and thinks that she will be fine.

I don't know what to do. I'm angry, I'm scared, I'm upset... I'm numb to be honest. I just don't know what to do.

Chemo starts tonight I think. Please keep my family in your thoughts and prayers... I'm so scared.